Put her in bed, lock the door and let her CIO

Motherhood has changed me.

I don't really remember how I thought I would raise my kids pre-motherhood. I never thought about crying it out, breastfeeding vs bottle feeding, c-sections, natural births, circumcisions, co sleeping, vaccines, etc. All I knew was that my kid would be different. Doesn't ever woman think that before baby comes?

I thought I'd be and do a lot of things. But motherhood changed that.

Cosleeping and not letting her cry it out was a choice I made for and by ME to be the best mom I could be for HER. No one else. It began early and honestly, were some my favorite times with her as a newborn. I remember her first smile at me as we snuggled in the bed at 3A. I remember always waking up in a half daze, nursing her and us both falling back into a deep coma. I remember her always, without fail, finding the nook in my arm and snuggling up to my chest.

And two years later, she still cosleeps with us. I am fine with this. M is ok with this and even though we get our share of kicks throughout the night, this works for US.

But unfortunately, my pediatrician doesn't agree.

I took Miss B in for her 2 year checkup last week where we were greeted with a long list of questions and followups. Everything seemed ok until the topic of sleeping came up. "How is her sleeping going?" the doctor asked.

"Good," I answered. "She's napping one nap a day about 1.5 hours long and she sleeps anywhere from 10-12 hours a night."

"And how's she doing in her crib?"

"Well, you know we cosleep, so some nights we are able to transfer her to her crib, and other times no."

"Oh."

She mentioned a toddler bed and I nodded.

"Yea, we are thinking about getting a toddler bed and putting it next to our bed for her to get used to before transferring her to her own room since she has told me she doesn't like the dark. Do you think 2 is too early?"

I should have known to trust my instincts and not asked such a question. It didn't really matter what the Dr said because we are going to go based on B's schedule. And if B is ready, then she will do it and if she needs a few more months in the bed with us, then so be it.

The doctor scoffed and said "Well it's a common misconception that kids are afraid of the dark and I can tell you that she's not. She's playing you for a fool to get her way and continue to stay in your bed. And I don't recommend a toddler bed until they are three years old but you obviously make your own rules. My suggestion is to put her in her bed, tell her it's bed time, shut off the lights, lock the door and let her cry it out. I also recommend to parents to switch around the door handle if you need to so she can't open the door. It's a power struggle and you need to teach her to stay in her bed."

I sat there for a moment, stunned. Was my pediatrician really suggesting that my 2 year old was playing me for a fool and to lock her in the dark and leave her there? I ran through a list in my head of all the things I thought B could get into and what could happen. There were no words. Absolutely no words whatsoever. The appointment couldn't end soon enough.

Why does cosleeping need to have an end date to it? Why, because she's now 2 years old, does she suddenly become a manipulative toddler? Is it SO important that she move to her bed NOW? Will she be 14 and still sleeping in our bed? I highly doubt it. And who cares if she is. There have been many times in my 20s that I have napped with my mama. Why does it matter?

Needless to say, I couldn't be happier to be saying good-bye to our pediatrician and finding a new one.

And I couldn't help but smile smugly the other night, when I put B in our bed, shut off the light and B started crying "DART! DART! DART! MAMA DART!"

"Yes honey, it's dark. Is it scary for you?"

"Yah. Dart mama."

"It's ok honey, it's dark but mommy's right here. You can close your eyes and snuggle right here."

"Yah. Dart mama" she said, wiping away her tears, snuggling into my chest, sucking her thumb and falling into a deep sleep.

Playing me for a fool, she may be. But I'm her fool. I will be here for her every moment for the rest of my life. And if giving up my bed for next 18 years will keep her happy. Then so be it. And no one can take that from us. No one.