Finding Light

Source: mabeybean.blogspot.com via Jillian on Pinterest

I am human.

And I am struggling.


I felt myself sinking.

Emotions getting the best of me.

Feeling like I was never good enough. Feeling behind.

I was never feeling good enough.

I was struggling and drowning.

And it was affecting everyone.

So I made the call and got an appointment.

An appointment I had been dreading for a long time coming.

I met with a psychiatrist and a Marriage & Family Therapist.

It was hard.

I wanted to cry.

I had to talk out my depression and anxiety.

My fears and inadequacies.

I had to relive my Poppy's shocking death and all the nights I've been struggling since.

I had to discuss my parent's divorce and how it affects me, my marriage and my parenting.

I had to talk about my parenting and scrutinize what I do and don't do.

It was hard and I felt like all my cracks were out in the open for everyone to see.

But I survived.

And best of all, I got help.

I figured out some key points bothering me and the MFT and I made a plan of what might help conquer those problems.

I discussed family history and the things I was struggling with, with the Psychiatrist and we concluded long-term care was probably our best scenario. And that we were going to take it on a day to day basis.

There was light at the end of the tunnel.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt like the world was a little brighter.

That I was going to survive.

I was going to make it.

I'm going to be ok.