All I wanted was an option... [My VBAC journey]

I never realized anything was wrong with Miss B's birth. 

And from the outside you might not either.

She was induced at 39 weeks, 5 days and after 18 hours of labor, 

born via c-section, the day before her due date. 

She was a healthy 7 lbs, 14 oz and 21 inches long.

She gave a nice little whimper while she was still in the womb

and scored high on her Agpar.

She was perfect.

But it wasn't until afterwards that I realized that my cesarean was bringing up a lot of unsettling feelings and anxieties.

It only took me a few months to recognize that I was struggling.

My anxiety was getting out of hand.

I was feeling a bit lost as a new stay-at-home mama.

And while Miss B was giving me more joy and happiness then I have ever experienced,

I just wasn't happy. If that makes any sense.

So eventually I went on medication to help even out my mood

and started to tackle WHAT was bothering me.

Why was this cloud hanging over my head and what could I do about it?

And one day after an OB appointment

I left with that empty feeling again. 

And feeling like I was treated a little like I was nuisance and unknowledgeable

And I realized,

it was a feeling I had been feeling dating back to my pregnancy.

That I was just another pregnant lady with a baby to get out.

So I started researching.

Natural births, home births, vaginal births after cesareans, unassisted childbirths.

I watched The Business of Being Born.

I needed to know MORE.

It made me realize that even though I didn't know what I thought my first birth was going to be like, it ultimately was nothing like I had imagined it to be.

I had no control over anything in my birth

other than telling my provider I was uncomfortable at 38-ish weeks and him offering to induce me, especially since he would be "off for the New Year." (Miss B was due 1/1/09)

I realized I lacked choices and proper information. 

Partially to my own fault,

but also because I didn't have someone (other than M) to support me

and offer me the information and knowledge I needed.

I didn't have much control because I was intimidated

into thinking MY views and what I wanted to do,

wasn't right.

MY birth became a textbook THEIR birth.

And a year and a half later,

with all the hospital bills paid

and the physical scar healed...

I was the one dealing with roller coaster of emotions

But how was I going to change my next birth?

And I knew when I got pregnant again

and I made the call to my old OB's office for my first appointment

and my hands shook....

things needed to be different.

I started searching every hospital in the area.

I became familiar with cesarean rates

and options.

I met with a local birthing center and their midwives.

I read birth stories (Ina May is amazing, by the way) and calmed my nerves.

I googled everything I could about local VBAC friendly doctors.
I started to think about what I envisioned my birth to be.
I started mentally prepping my birth plan.
I asked everyone around for doula recommendations.

I just wanted to be knowledgeable, prepared and feeling in control of my decisions.

I eventually decided trying for a hospital VBAC was the right decision for ME.
I had nothing to lose and I just wanted the option and support of everyone around me.


I found articles and information on Saddleback Memorial Hospital, Orange County's only true VBAC supportive hospital.
I decided despite the 30 minute drive and numerous closer hospitals, this was my best shot.


I found an entire VBAC friendly OB practice & immediately made an appointment with their newest physician Dr. Heidi Cough with the Orange Coast Women's Medical Group. 
Her and her medical assistant turned out to be more than amazing and from our first appointment, she encouraged my VBAC from her side before I even told her I was interested in it.


I researched Hypnobabies as my birthing plan and purchased the set around 27 weeks. Took my time doing the readings & meditations/hypnosis sessions
Changed my thinking on birth
and found myself sleeping more soundly and was able to use what I learned
in my everyday activities, which ended up helping immensely with my day-to-day anxiety.


I contacted a couple doulas and found one that I just clicked with.
She wasn't a Hypno-Doula, but was familiar with Hypnobabies and began studying right away to help maximize her support during my birthing time.
I knew immediately that she was on MY side and M & I worked out our budget and hired her the day after I met her.
And I find myself constantly in contact with her, because she understands what I want and my need for a natural turn of events this time around.


And I kept up a healthy workout regime by continuing to teach my Zumba classes twice a week and subbing whenever I could (yes, I am STILL teaching at almost 38 weeks!) 
And I try and get out and walk, swim or stay active everyday I am not teaching.
I started doing pelvic tilts around 34 weeks when baby was breech and got him turned around by 36 weeks.
I do lots of squats & stretching to help him get into the pelvis and my big workout ball, has becoming my best friend.
And this past week I started seeing a Chiropractor and using Evening Primrose Oil daily to help get my body ready.


I know the ultimate outcome is out of my hands.
But all I wanted was to know was that I went into this birth
150% prepared and confident that I gave it my all.
All I wanted was the option and support to do this
and headed into 38 weeks, that's just what I have.
The rest is to be told :)