Happy Birthday Gramma

Before the clock hits midnight, I just want to send a big Memorial Day Happy Birthday out to my role model, my hero, one of my dearest friends, my Grandma. I wouldn't be the woman I am today with the guidance of her and I am forever in debt for all she has done for not only myself, but for our entire family. She is the family matriarch and the living definition of love and family. And I'm so proud to have named my daughter after such a strong, strong woman. I hope we all follow in your footsteps and make you proud. We love you Grandma! Happy Birthday!

To-Do

Have you ever felt like your To-Do List just kept piling up and you could never get to the bottom of it? Please tell me that's the norm or else I may have to commit myself because this is ridiculous.

Every day begins with a checklist of what I want to do and accomplish. On my list everyday, for what seems like the past month, has been among so many other things:

1) Unpack B's room

2) Straighen up the house

3) Steam Mop the floors

4) Get to the bottom of the laundry basket

Well needless to say, B's room gets worse and worse every day. (Not to mention it's in dire need of the steam mop since she decided to run naked into her room and pee everywhere...but that's a blog for another day). I straighten up my house only to find it messy again by the time I go to bed. I haven't used my steam mop since the night it arrived in the mail via Amazon. And lastly, I'm sure that there are extra people hidden somewhere in this house because how could three people wear SO much clothes? Good gosh!

And I can only imagine what this house will look like after M gets back from his Spain trip at the beginning of next week. YIKES!

So here I am, having to do tomorrow's To-Do list.

Life and Motherhood

Sometimes I sit and wonder...how the hell did I get here? To this place, this point, this moment in my life. I can recall several (ok, MANY) periods in my life where I faced a crossroad and prayed that whatever way I decided to go was the right one. Each time felt more difficult then the time before and without fail, each time everything had happened for a reason. And so now, as I have moments in my busy schedule to spare, I wonder, how the hell did I get here?

Life has been a whirlwind. Sometimes more than others. I feel like every step I have taken has lead me to today and to the future. And as I continue, I am thankful for all the hardships and tears cried. I look back and laugh at the petty dramas, the ruthless gossip, the childish heartaches and realize that all I needed to complete and make me happy was to step up to the plate and really live; for no one else but myself.

Motherhood has been similar; a whirlwind indeed. I went from being an independent, self-sufficient woman, to a wife, to a mother in less than 18 months time. Every challenge I've ever had has shaped me to be the mother I am today and has given me the knowledge, patience and love to raise my daughter how I feel is right for her. And I hope one day she looks back on her years growing up and relishes in the love, delight, innocence and simplicity of the life we have given her. I hope one day she looks back and respects me as a mother, wife and woman. I hope one day she follows in my footsteps.

Life is truly an amazing journey. Each step teaches you something if you are diligent in your steps and humble enough to learn. And it's a choice, a lifestyle to be happy. And when I chose that, everything else perfectly fell into place. Life is truly amazing. Love is truly amazing. Motherhood is truly amazing.

Man's Best Friend or Enemy? Part Two.

So this is much later than I wanted to post it but quite a few days ago I posted Part One about the challenges M and I were having with one of our dogs and how we were being forced to choose between spending $1500+ dollars to ship her back to Hawaii, relinquish her to a shelter and/or euthanize her.

So after days and days of going back and forth (and back and forth. And back and forth again) we finally decided that the right thing to do was to take the money and ship her to Hawaii.

Was it a difficult decision? Of course. I'd like to think, that unless you're a millionaire, that shipping a dog for $1500 would be quite a stretch for anyone, especially in this economy and on one income.

And so we began the paperwork and the vet visits and everything inbetween. And overall it was hard but in the midst of vet visits, the dog proceeded to bite and paw the vet tech, bite the vet, and even growl at little Miss B, which just solidified our family's decision that the dog should not be in our house and it would be best to ship her back to MIL.

So last Wednesday, we woke up in the wee hours of the morning, packed up the family and dropped off the dog at LAX. She took a 8A flight, arrived in Hawaii and is now in quarantine for the next four months with visits from MIL and the rest of M's family. And our other dog (He has been with her since he was about 8 months old), though slightly depressed, has started adjusting to life without his companion in it.

Overall, we've found complete peace in our decision, knowing that relinquishing her to a shelter wouldn't have been fair to her and would have most likely resulted in her being scared, confused and ultimately euthanized without anyone there.

So tell me, what would you have done?

Getting Dirty

So my wonderful group of mommy friends recently got their book club up and running after a little hiatus and even though I have a million things and projects up my sleeve, I was more than excited to join in on the good reads. And what kind of moms would we be without reading a little erotica? ;) So naturally the first book of choice (and vote) was "Dirty" by Meghan Hart.

Now it's no Pulitzer Prize, that's for sure. But it sure did enough to captivate me within oh, the first TWO pages! Maybe it was the sexy scenes or the vulgar language, I don't know but I thought Megan Hart did a good job of developing a damaged woman who has built up walls and explores the territory of sex and eventually a relationship with a mysterious, sexy stranger; who, in my opinion, ends up becoming a Prince Charming figure. Overall I thought, for an erotic novel, the plot had substance and it drew me in and kept me wanting more. Enough to finish in TWO days! I recommend it as a fun, light, dirty read (no pun intended) and I'm sure your significant other will recommend it too! :winkwink:

Excluded

I am so discouraged and hurt but am trying to keep my heart light, positive and unfazed in the matter. My great grandma turns 95 in five days. 95! This is a huge blessing to us as her health has taken us all on a roller coaster over the past few months and we have been sadly, saying our goodbyes and preparing for her to go home to her Lord.

What hurts and discourages me though is that today the family had a birthday celebration for her and our section of the family (my mother, my brothers and my small family) were not extended the invitation. The sad part of it is, that we probably were extended the invitation but were never told since my parent's pending divorce has left my father void of any sort of feelings or sentiments towards anyone but himself. Seriously, who is so selfish and self-centered that they can't extend the invitation to their family so that we too could celebrate in what could be her last birthday. Oh wait, that's my father because he swears that the only reason someone could ever want to leave him is because they are having an affair. Please, get over yourself but that's for another blog another time. And the bad thing about it, is that this isn't even the first time we've been excluded. Since he talks to no one in our family (though he lives with two of us), we are often left in the dark regarding anything about family. In fact, many times we only find out about family gatherings because someone will 1) email us after the fact and say that they missed us, 2) text us and ask us what we're bringing tomorrow when we infact have no idea what the hell that person is talking about or 3) we find out because of facebook/twitter statuses. He has even gone as far as to tell my Grandma not to tell me anything because I don't need to know. Who seriously is so immature that they have to say something like that?

So unfortunately, we've been out of the loop for awhile with that side of the family and seeing as how none of us has had any sort of relationship with my father for the better part of the last five years if not longer, it leaves us with a huge feeling of emptiness in the father/child relationship as well as a the larger family relationship. And instead we celebrated Grandma's birthday running about our own family affairs and doing our own thing because someone's huge elephant of an ego refused to let anyone know. So, thanks a lot "Dad"; I'm sure Great-Grandma and the rest of the family appreciated that!

I'm back!

So after a long two weeks without any internet (other than my iPhone) and a short, fun trip to San Francisco, I'm so happy to finallyyyyyyy be back! YAY!

Where to start, I don't even know but I will start as soon as this pretty lady gets rested and finishes up getting her house cleaned and unpacked. (Yes, I am still unpacking!)

Now off to enjoy TBS's Sex and the City marathon. Which of course is making me want to pull out all 6 seasons plus the movie to watch. So here's hoping I'm back to blog without too many distractions! ;)

Ta-ta friends!

Living on your own

There is seriously something so special about living on your own. Especially while raising a family. The ability to do whatever you want and raise your child without any interferences is amazing. Who knew making dinner each night and sitting down as a family of three, talking about our day would be so special? Or being able to sleep naked and be exhibitionists without worrying about someone catching you and seeing more than they bargained for would be so freeing? It has been fantastic. Now that we are back on our own again I can't even imagine living with family ever again. It has seriously liberated us and dramatically changed our marriage, our ability to parent and ourselves as individuals. We will always be grateful to those who helped us out in our time of need. But I don't know if I could ever go back to that again. This is too amazing!

We've Moved!

This past weekend we officially completed our move. There are so many boxes to unpack and so much to do but I could care less; I love this little house and I love making it our home.

On the downside, we won't have our internet setup until next Tuesday. How is this pretty lady to survive? Lots of unpacking, snuggling and quality time with M and little Miss B. This is seriously happiness and I couldn't be happier. :)

Little Quirks

I love the little quirks of marriage and living with a man. They drive me crazy but make me laugh and I love seeing how we frustrated we can get but still compromise and adjust accordingly to make things work.

M and I practically lived with one another from the get-go. I had a set of things at his house and was over there all the time. We carpooled into work since we worked together, we cooked together, we watched TV together, we read together...the whole nine yards. We were inseparable. It was also the beginning of our relationship where things are new and exciting and the sun seems to shine differently and everything seems sweet and fresh. But even though we were together 24/7, I never officially moved in and kept a place of my own. So when it was time to get married, I gave my notice and began packing my boxes. And I remember, the moment after everything of mine was dropped off at M's house, sitting at his desk, looking at my boxes and having an anxiety attack. I'd never LIVED with a man before. Sure we had spent all this time together but if something went wrong, I always had a back-up place to go; an escape. Where was I going to go now? And where was all my junk going to go? M's house was no spacious mansion and I could probably star on an episode of 'Hoarders.' I remember hyperventilating and telling M to give me a minute as I bawled my eyes out, panicked, cursed, prayed, panicked some more and then got excited. Then M came out (I had made him stay in the room while I had my anxiety/panic attack, thus so he wouldn't see this strong, independent woman break down) and gave me a big hug. And started clearing out a few drawers, his desk and closet for me to put my junk in. I was home.

Today as I was brushing my teeth, I couldn't help but laugh as I looked down and saw this:

Yes, it's our toothpaste. And unfortunately (for M), it's cap is lost and we have made an utter mess of the tube, one of my quirks and M's pet peeves. (He thinks the cap should stay on and the tube be neat and I think leaving the cap off and squeezing it out all over the place is easier)

*giggle* I also came out to find my slippers under his at the front door, one of his quirks and my pet peeves.

As irritated as we both can get at both small and big stuff, little things like this make me giggle (and drive me mad) and remind me that life and love are so precious and these quirks are what make us M & H. I love that little goofiness about us. It makes me remember who, what and how I fell in love with M. So even though things may not be all exciting, and we may not be stealing kisses from each other in the halls at work or holding hands every minute we are together, things are still as perfectly imperfect as we can get. And that's what makes us, US!

Man's Best Friend or Enemy?

We have two dogs, both come from the pre-M&H periods in our life and we came into the relationship adapting the best that we could. M's dog was much older, a little more aggressive and not as sociable as my dog but we made it work the best we could. My dog was a copy-cat/follower and M's dog ruled the house.

When we moved two years ago this June, we debated what we would do and if moving the two of them was the best. We offered M's family the opportunity to take his dog but they all refused. No one wanted her and even had the audacity to say they would take MY dog over his. We flat out refused. So we paid the vet costs, paid the flight tickets, bought everything the dogs needed and shipped them out.

Almost immediately after we moved we began having a hard time. M's dog wouldn't listen, would just lazily get up and pee on our carpets and was beginning to show a little bit of aggression. The biggest tall tale sign was when she growled at some kids in our apartment complex. I almost fainted. Here I was 6 months pregnant and she was growling at kids?! This didn't look like a good sign.

Then we had Little Miss B and the problems only got worse. She tried to jump on the baby, roll on the baby, was getting into everything she wasn't supposed to be and was becoming more and more aggressive. And one night she bit M. Her tried and true owner.

And as time has gone on, she bit him again. And again. And again. And again. Now for a total of 4 or 5 times. One time even breaking skin. Luckily for us, she's outside as we've tried to decide what to do with her. Some people suggest that with her aggression maybe it might be best to euthanize her. Some people have suggested that maybe a shelter would be best but unfortunately no shelter will take her because she's old and aggressive. Some people have suggested we rehome her and it seemed like a great idea, until we were told that if she bit anyone else we would be held liable and could be sued for everything we owned. It seemed like a no-win situation. So we asked my MIL if we could ship her back to her.

You'd think things would have been fine and dandy but of course they're not. It's all drama and without airing it all out, I'll leave it at the fact that basically she thinks the dog's wellbeing is more important that the fact that the dog has bitten M 5 times and could possibly bite myself or our precious 16 month old. So here we've been...stuck. We can't fully move into our new place without figuring out what to do with this dog. We are having a hard time getting on board with the $1500 cost to ship the dog back to MIL and ultimately don't think that euthanizing is really fair. I just keep asking myself, how many times do we give this dog a chance before she seriously hurts someone? And what if it's our daughter? I'd never be able to forgive myself.

Basically it all boiled down the point of, Did we think the dog was worth $1500 to ship back to my MIL or should we put her in a shelter or euthanize her?

I'll share our decision tomorrow...

Feels Like Home to Me (Music Monday)

Everytime I hear this song by Chantal Kreviazuk I am overwhelmed with emotions. First introduced to it in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," I will always remember the first time I heard it with M, as we folded laundry in a dark room, watching the movie and singing along. I was amazed he even knew the song and he winked, smiled his sweet smile at me and told me there was plenty of things I didn't know about him yet. Then he held out his hand, lifted me up and we danced around the room sharing a romantic embrace and lots of kisses. It makes me feel so secure and complete and just reminds me, time and time again, how home is where he is and where we are together.

Strawberry Fields

Ok maybe not strawberry fields, but a few days ago I posted about how something was eating my strawberry plants and how I had to hang a beautiful Topsy Turvy Strawberry Planter to keep the rodents away.

And here is our first harvest! It hasn't even been three weeks and here we are. I am so pleased and they taste oh-so-delicious!

Aren't they beautiful? Maybe I don't have a black thumb after all!

Three Years

M and I are celebrating three years together today. I can't believe it's been three years. Some moments it feels like there was never a life before him and others it feels like just yesterday we embarked on this journey together without ever looking back.

Three years ago I was stuck in limbo and needing to get out. I'd been stuck for too long. After a few nights spent out with friends at local dive bars in early 2007, by May 1st there was no denying it, I had a giddy, school girl crush on M. I remember the day I admitted it and feeling a rush of emotions. My dear friend Brenda nodded saying she already knew and how did it feel to finally be happy? So naturally when M planned a get together with our friends for another night out on the town hitting up our favorite bars, I jumped at the opportunity. We made plans to go out on May 3, 2007 around 8P. So when he called at 6P and told me that everyone had cancelled and it was only going to be him and I, my anxiety rose, my breath grew shallow and I knew where it was headed. It was going to be him and I; and even though he didn't call it a date, it was. He threw me a sly, "Well I haven't been to the movies in awhile, why don't we go see a movie?" and thus our journey together started.

He picked me up around 8 and I remember jumping in his truck and taking a deep breath in of his cologne and swooning; I knew I was in trouble. We went out for some drinks at Dave & Buster's, talked about where we were in our lives and headed off to a movie. After that we headed to one of our favorite bars to talk and cap off the bar. And as a true gentleman would, he didn't even try and kiss me goodnight. He just gave me a hug and told me he'd talk to me later.

And indeed he did. First thing the next morning he texted me to make sure I was feeling ok from the night before and to just tell me that he hoped I had a good day. I was melting...fast. And soon after he called to ask if I was interested in going out with a good friend of his that night. I must have made an impression on him as this was a clear setup for the best friend test.

We spent the night at another relaxing night at the bar (If you haven't noticed, we clearly enjoy alcohol) and ended the night with hugs and a whispered, "I work in the morning tomorrow but I'll call you when I get done. Let's go see a movie."

And that he did. He called and I answered. He wanted to see Spider-Man 3 which had just been released and I refused without seeing #1 and #2 first. So we went for a drive, picked up some food, settled in for a cozy evening at his house watching Spider-Man 1 & 2 and even throwing in Cars as well. It was the perfect evening. And as he started to fall asleep, I gently shook him awake and had him drive me home. Still with no kiss but what looked like a promising future.

He called again the next day and we set out for a dinner out at a small hole in the wall called Violet's and a night at the theaters watching Spider-Man 3. It was perfect. And by the time the night ended, we had introduced our dogs, were hand-in-hand, and sharing our first kiss, to which I replied "Finally!" when he laid his lips on mine. I could hardly wait.

We came from broken pasts; relationships that shaped us but hurt us even more so each day we reminded each other that we'd just take one day at a time and see what happened. I told him I didn't want to be 'just another girl' and he reassured me he didn't want me to be either. I told him I wanted to move back home to California to be close to my family and didn't know where I was headed in the future and he said he wanted to stay in Hawaii forever. But we continued. Faith and trust in one another and taking one baby step at a time.

And within weeks we were completely smitten. I was fully in love and so was he and we weren't so afraid of what was coming up in the future. And within two months, we were engaged and six months later, married.

Our life is amazing and I wouldn't change it in any way. We've had a lot of ups and a few downs but overall we love, trust and completely respect one another which brings an amazing level of security in our relationship. He work together as partners and make this life work for us because we know that life is better with each other in it. He's my best friend, my lover, my husband, my daughter's father, my everything. He is amazing and every day never ceases to amaze me how lucky I am. I truly have been blessed.

Happy 3 years darling!

The Welcome Wagon

So this weekend we emptied our storage unit and got everything into our house...Ok, scratch that. CORRECTION: My darling husband and my ever-so-helpful baby brother emptied our storage unit and moved everything into our house. YAY! :) And boy did I forgot how much crap we had! But everything fits perfectly with lots of room to spare and we were even able to turn little Miss B's room into a nursery playroom/guest bedroom and turned our room into a master bedroom/office/craft room with lots and lots of room to spare. I was ever so pleased and am now on the prowl for a small entertainment center for all our entertainments and a kitchen island along with a microwave and just need to empty all the wonderful boxes and find a place for everything. Which is probably my favorite part as I feel like it's Christmas morning as I rip into the boxes and find all the hidden treasures that make up our home.

But what gets me the most about our move-in weekend is our neighborhood camaraderie. I was a bit worried when I noticed one of our next door neighbors was younger, sped down our short cul-de-sac and gave off a funny vibe. Giving him the benefit of the doubt though, we've almost always had horrible neighbors so maybe I was being overly cautious. So imagine my surprise when our neighbor on the other side of us came out, introduced himself and offered M his dolly to use to move our refrigerator in. We were so touched by his sweet and helpful nature. Then the next day, as we walked around our community's garage sale, his wife came out and introduced herself as well. And when I asked her about the old Singer sewing machine she had out on the curb, she proceeded to tell me that it was her 95-year-old mother's and that she didn't sew and gave it to me for FREE!! I just about died right there in her driveway. It looks exactly like this one posted on this blog with a folding table and all. I'll be sure to post pictures later. Then later that day, our friends who live around the corner stopped by on their afternoon walk to welcome us into our new home and take a tour and later in the afternoon our neighbor from down the cul-de-sac came by with her two young kids (one that's little Miss B's age) and introduced herself as well. Then today, she came by again to see how we were settling in and told me about some fun nearby parks and invited me for playdates. And another neighbor stopped by to say hello with her young boy. As two people who are extroverted at first and value close friendships, it was so crazy to how great and friendly the neighborhood is. Another great thing is how everyone always has their garage doors open and are always outside which lets me know that we live in a great neighborhood. I'm so excited to finally settle in and be there full-time. I love neighborhoods with great camaraderie and spirit!

How it Feels to Fly

I'm such a chump. When I got pregnant two years ago (Wow, I can't believe it's been that long!) I swore my baby would sleep in her bassinet/crib and she would not be sleeping in our big King size bed with us. Well she had other things in mind and when she was born, we immediately picked up many attachment parenting techniques and she almost immediately found herself asleep in our bed or on our chests almost every night. Things continued that was for about 6-7 months until she started crawling and I was soon finding her everywhere she was NOT supposed to be. But because I liked having her so close, we kept her in our room, right next to our bed in a pack-n-play and every morning when she starts to toss and turn in midst of waking up, I pick her up and we snuggle in bed together for about an hour. It's pure bliss and it totally makes my day. Well, except for when she picks my nose, pokes my eyes and karate kicks me in bed, but you get the point.

Well here we are, she's 16 months old and she's still in our room. And as we transition into our new house, her room was the first set up and we are getting ready to keep her in there. And I feel so sad about it!!!! I know she'll do fine as we've started getting her adjusted to it by giving her naps in the crib while unpacking and she loves playing in there and putting all her toys in the closet. But what about ME? Mommy's not ready for her to move to her own room! I want her right there next to me in bed still. To wake up and make sure she's ok. To be right there when she needs me. To calm her back to sleep if she needs (even though she never does anymore) and a million other things.

I think this is one of the saddest things that I know is coming. And even though I know this blog sounds so overbearing and I'd love for her to stay small forever, I'm really not sad about her growing up. I'm just sad about her moving out of our room; Not seeing her sweet face smiling and waving to me in the morning. Or hearing her sweet voice babble in her crib.

So we'll see how this goes and how long she lasts in her room.

I'm sure little miss B will be fine. It's mommy I'm worried about.