Salivating

I am salivating. I found this blog by a man named Kevin who decided to take his cooking to another level a couple years ago. And holy crap, his recipes are totally up my alley and look deeeeeelish! I am so excited to start testing out all the different recipes, especially the Kimchi ones considering I'm on a huge Kogi BBQ kick right now. Hopefully I'll have lots of yummy things to report back!

Warming up the House

Mine and M's sweet friend Deb, who lives all the way in Utah, was so thoughtful and sent us such a great recipe holder for all those hours that I'm in the kitchen slaving away. I knew I had to find the perfect spot for it and how much more perfect could it be then right in the stove nook? How homely and not to mention, PERFECT, does it look there? It's gotten lots of use already and I have to say, I'm thrilled 1) to know where my recipe cards are at all times and 2) that not only do I know where the recipe card is but that it's CLEAN because let's face it, when I'm in the zone, cleanliness is not my strongest suit. (Nor is it any other time but that's ok)

Thanks Deb for the housewarming gift. I smile everytime I see it and think of you.

Monday's Menu

I'm trying to be more frugal. After months of spending without a strict budget, I am trying to be more on top of things. So last week I realized that the way to do that was by putting together my menu beforehand and shopping as cheaply as I could. My budget would have been more effective had I strictly shopped by my grocery ads but instead I shopped at one store and did it all in one crack. And the total wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought at less than $150, considering I got in more than a week's worth of meals and tons of Little Miss B's snacks.

On the menu this week:

-Hot dogs & orzo w/spinach and feta (an easy, lazy meal)

-Buffalo Chicken Chili

-Pork Tofu

-Spicy Thai Chicken

-Chicken Casserole

-Chicken Pot Pie

-Chicken Enchiladas

-Stuffed Bell Peppers

- Asian Stirfry

Can you tell we're big chicken eaters? I'm always looking for new recipes, so if you have any you'd like to pass along, I'd love to test them out.

Happy Cooking!

Slow Cooker Chicken Tortilla Soup

I'm not a big fan of Enchilada-y things. And I don't really care for corn either. I'm not sure why. I like Mexican food and I love the chicken enchiladas (w/green sauce) that I make but I'm not a fan of the red sauce enchiladas. So when a friend of mine shared this recipe, I was not convinced even though all of our friends raved about it. It just did not sound yummy to me.

But one lazy night, when I was feeling desperate for a fast, easy meal and I had all the ingredients I decided to give it a whirl and boy am I glad I did. It was a huge hit and I have people knocking on my door waiting for a bowl when they hear it's a-cooking. Yummmmmm-y!

I definitely recommend everyone give it a try. It was so fast, so easy (perfect when you have kids!) and cheap. That's right, I said it, CHEAP! Three of my favorite things when cooking.

Pardon the picture, I'm too lazy to pull out my Nikon and I used my iPhone.

Slow Cooker Chicken Tortilla Soup

compliments of All Recipes

Ingredients:

1 lb. shredded, cooked chicken (I use that yummy Rotisserie chicken from Costco)

1 (15 oz.) can diced tomatoes

1 (10 oz.) can enchilada sauce

2 cups water

1 tsp cumin

1 tsp salt

frozen corn (add as much as desired. I add lots!)

1 med onion, chopped

1 (4 oz.) can green chiles (I've substituted with jalapenos before for more of a kick. Just as yummy!)

2 cloves minced garlic

1 (14.5 oz) can chicken broth

1 tsp chili powder

1/4 tsp black powder

1 tbsp chopped cilantro (I add as much as I desire, which is usually at least half the bunch!)

veg oil

7 corn tortillas (or as many as your little heart desires)

sour cream

avocado to garnish

Directions:

Place chicken, tomatoes, enchilada sauce, onion, green chiles and garlic into crock pot. (When in a pinch, using a plain ol' pot on the stove is perfectly fine!) Pour in water and chicken broth and season with cumin, chili powder, salt and pepper. Stir in corn and cilantro. Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or on high for 3-4 hours.

Preheat oven to 400F degrees. Strip corn tortillas into strips or triangles. Lightly brush both sides of tortilla strips with oil. Bake in preheated oven until crisp, 10-15 minutes.

Although the original recipe doesn't call for it, I add sour cream to make thicken the soup a bit and serve with homemade tortilla chips and garnish with avocado. Some in the family like to add rice as well but I like it as it. :)

Enjoy!

...and the not so good

So I posted yesterday about all things wonderful in our lives and how blessed we have been lately in M's freelancing and work. Seriously his work ethic amazes me. That man had worked at his job for two years and has called sick into work TWICE! He shows up rain or shine and always takes on more than is required of him. He is an amazing role model for myself and our children and I never have worried about being provided for.

But things aren't always peachy keen and the universal balance always proves that where there is good there also comes some not-so-good. It's just the way things work.

M and I moved back to my old stomping ground almost two years ago to the day. We had been together 13 months, married 7 months and I was 3 months pregnant. The timing of everything worked out perfectly. M received a wonderful opportunity and we were basking in delight at all our blessings. We would be leaving behind two measly paychecks where both of us worked and getting the opportunity to live off one solid pay. It was my dream to be a stay-at-home mother and everything nicely fell into place. M started his job and fit in perfectly. It was a great opportunity with a newer, medical device company, everyone loved him and things were going along smoothly and we transitioned fantastically. And six months later we welcomed our precious baby girl.

Then when she was three months, I remember M coming home from work with a sad look and informed me that his company had done a round of layoffs and gotten rid of a handful of people. "How could this be?" I asked as he explained that they were eliminating a few positions for better efficiency and moving people around so that they could continue to do well in a failing economy. M had survived the cut based on his amazing work ethic (seriously, this guy can do everything!) and was promoted to a newer position with more work, more share options and a little more pay. This was great and we quickly forgot round #1 of layoffs.

Until the end of summer rolled around and one of his friends and coworkers unexpectedly decided to quit, letting M know that the company wasn't doing as well as everyone was being made to believe and another round of layoffs was in the horizon. He warned M to be wary and start looking for a new job ASAP. M wasn't overly concerned and we let time pass with his friends warning in the back of our mind. How could things be going badly if M was constantly working his way up and getting more pay here and there? It couldn't be as bad as expected...could it?

Then October came and the biggest bombshell of all hit. M's boss, a wonderful, passionate woman quit. It was so unexpected and she too, heeded M with the warnings that things were not so great and that he needed to start looking at other options. How could this be though? She would never lie to M or our family but it just was so hard to believe.

And just as his friend and boss had warned, things did take a turn for the worst. And less than a month later, almost half the company was let go. We were almost positive M would be let go. But instead, the other person, a good friend of ours, in his department was let go. Leaving M with a lot of worry and responsibilities. But never one to shy away from his responsibilities, he took them on headfirst and continued to work even harder.

It was definitely a difficult, worrisome time. Here we were attempting to buy our first house and M's job was on shaky ground and because of the economy we weren't getting any leads on any new jobs. This was not an ideal situation but what could we do? We had faith things would work out ok, somehow.

And they have...until recently. His company is now running out of venture capitalist (VC) funds and will soon need to either 1) sell, 2) declare bankruptcy or 3) fundraise more money from other VCs willing to commit that money to their company. Even though my husband has this great reputation and amazing work ethic, the future of his job isn't looking that great and hasn't for some time. It's quite depressing even though we have kept our heads high and realize that time will tell what happens.

So we've begun sending out his resume and preparing for what may come. Luckily we opted out of escrow a couple months back and are sitting on a big chunk of money that was intended for a down payment. It's a scary time but then again, hasn't this economy been in a scary time for quite some time? It's just sad to see someone as dedicated and hardworking as M to go through the rollercoaster of employment vs unemployment emotions when there are so many people out there who do not take their jobs or situations seriously. I mean there are countless people that we know that use "sick" as an excuse not to go to work and go off and spend with no care in the world. It's disappointing but I guess that's what contributes to the laziness and nonchalantness that has taken over mankind. So while M holds on to a thread at his job, we wait and see what happens. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before another company snatches him up but until then we wait.

The good...

M has been working around the clock. In addition to his full-time 8-hour plus 2-hour commute day, he is also designing a Jewish cookbook for a referral of another client. On top of that he is busy doing freelance photography and design for a new, modern jewelry company. Poor guy is working non-stop and some days pulling 20 hour days. I don't know he does it but I am so grateful to have a husband who works so hard to provide for our family. He has an amazing work ethic and doesn't complain one bit. I love that about him. He is so calm and collected and rational. I'm lucky.

So could there be anything possible wrong?

More tomorrow...

Ellie.

I didn't know Ellie. Infact I only knew of her because of the world of Twitter and people's #LiftUpEllie tweets. I've been seeing these tweets for prayers and good thoughts for Ellie but failed to really pay attention until a couple days ago. It was then that I took a moment to visit her website (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/elliepotvin/journal) and her mother's journal documenting her journey. It only took me a couple sentences of the first journal entry to break down in tears and I couldn't continue reading past a couple of the entries. It was just too heartbreaking. This poor woman was losing one of her babies and it was only a matter of days if not hours.

I'm not sure what attached me so quickly but I can only imagine that it was that motherly instinct that most women get when they have kids. That emotional feeling that ties with all other women/mothers of the like. I felt, when reading Amy Potvin's journal that I was enduring what Amy Potvin was enduring and feeling her emotions. Of course I wasn't but I sympathized with her and felt her pieces of her pain.

So I followed the final couple days of the Potvin's and Ellie's journey and prayed that Ellie's soul be relinquished peacefully from her ill body and that her family find comfort in her departure. How sad it was to watch the end of this battle and I found myself in tears as it was announced that she passed away earlier this morning.

I didn't know Ellie and I don't know her mother or her father or her twin. I don't know where they live or anything about their family. Only that they just lost their Ellie after a two year battle with stage 4 relapse rhabdomyosarcoma and they are trying to celebrate and mourn the life of their sweet Ellie. And I just ask that we send a prayer and/or good thoughts their way and give thanks for this life that we all are able to live.

RIP sweet Ellie.

Vampires

I have a slight addiction and life has kinda been put on hold at our house. You see, I'm 26 years old and I'm addicted to vampires. It started two years ago when I was 6 months pregnant with Little Miss B. Two of my best friends kept raving and raving about Twilight. I really couldn't understand the whole concept and quite frankly, thought it was lame until I opened the book and couldn't put it down. I ended up finishing Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn in less than five days. I was obsessed. The quirkiness of Bella and the mysterious, romantic old age of Edward kept me enthralled and their relationship with all that sexual tension just put it over the top for me. I was seriously obsessed. So obsessed that I read all four books, four times.

And when Twilight the movie came out right within days of our one year wedding anniversary, it was one of our last date nights before Little Miss B was born. I wasn't the hugest fan of the Twilight movie but it sufficed and did the job. And I won't lie, there were many times throughout the movie when Edward's pale face looked down on me and I swooned. What can I say, I was almost 9 months pregnant and Edward was making me swoon, I make no excuses. And when New Moon came out a year later, within days of our two year anniversary, we were SO there. I was totally hooked. There was obvious chemistry there between Edward and Bella and add in the hunky man candy rest of the cast of vampires and werewolves and I was hooked.

So last week when I saw Twilight playing on Showtime, I couldn't help but DVR it and get a quick Twilight fix. Only this time, it just wasn't the same. Despite a few of my favorite scenes of the book/movie, I wasn't as into it. So I decided it was time to read Stephanie Meyer's book again and picked up my battered copy of Twilight once again. And I still felt myself slightly jilted. I still loved the book and storylines but I found myself slightly annoyed with Bella's obsession with all supernatural and her lack of independence. Granted, she's supposed to be 18 and I can remember being in that place when I was 18, but really? She's placing her entire life within Edward's hands and doesn't experience anything outside of him and their bubble. She pretty much ignores any human other than her parents and when he leaves her in New Moon, she acts like there is no life for a few months and immediately jumps into the arms of Jacob. I was disappointed and my fill for vampires was not fulfilled.

So when I went over to our bookshelf to figure out what M and I would watch next (we're DVD junkies), my eyes were drawn to HBO's True Blood based on Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series. Hmmmmm. Could this do the trick? So I popped it in. And the opening scene had me wide-eyed as the show opened with 1) a minor sex scene and 2) vampires. M looked over at me wide eyed and asked, "What are we watching?!" I was hooked and we finished Season 1 in less than 4 days. YIKES! But what can I say? I love me some Vampire Bill (Stephen Moyer) Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmm!

And today Book 1 of Charlaine Harris' series arrived along with True Blood Season 2, compliments of Amazon. I am in heaven. This show did not disappoint and I'm sure the books will be just as cooky and intense as well. I am in heaven!

A whole lotta Green going on

Pardon the lack of posts, I've been working on my tan, experimenting in the kitchen and trying to control my ever-so-naughty 18-month-old. Is it possible for an 18-month-old to have an attitude problem? Because I'm pretty sure mine does....just saying.

Anyhow, in the midst of all our swimming, screaming and tantrums, I happened to look out to the backyard the other day and saw this:

Can you believe it?!!! We have grass!!! It is popping up everywhere and I may be biased but I think it's beautiful. And you have to admit, it sure has come a long way from the day of the infamous flood. Okay, maybe not flood, but you get the point. I'm feeling like quite the gardener as I watch my blueberry and cucumber plant blossom, my grass grow and my other plants take on beautiful smells and colors. It's awesome. And how have I managed to get it look so great? We watered the ground a couple times letting the water soak in, rototilled manure into our dirt, sprinkled grass seed and I'm sure to water at least twice a day. Seriously, this inch long grass popped up over night. There's still some spots that need some work or should I say, need grass PERIOD. But some of the other grass is growing like weeds. Awesome.

Marriage

A couple mornings ago I read this article on People.com (Yes I am a celebrity junkie, don't judge) about Valerie Bertinelli, her fiance and their wedding planning. She talks about how their life experiences are going to help shape and define their marriage and that since they've both had the good wedding previously, they're ready now to focus on the good marriage.

Now I've been to a number of beautiful weddings. Each wedding has it's own personal touches and lots of beautiful things incorporated and it's a great occasion. Weddings are fine and dandy. But I have to admit, I couldn't agree more with what Valerie Bertinelli has to say. It feels like in this day and age, people get so caught up in creating a fairytale wedding that they seem to forget that the meaning of a wedding is the union of two people, embarking on a lifetime journey together, not on the grandeurs of a wedding. Does it matter that you spent over $2K on a dress? Does it matter what your menu is and how your cake tastes? Will you really remember the minute details of the day or does it all fade away and become memories like other days of the year?

After M and I got engaged, we struggled with envisioning what our wedding was going to be and how we were going to afford that. I wasn't overly excited about planning a wedding. It was just going to be one day. I was more excited about the initial engagement and then the marriage M and I were about to embark on and the journey I was going to take as his wife and eventually the mother of his children. I was excited to have a partner, someone I was going to enjoy every day of my life with. The actual planning of a wedding seemed overwhelming and insignificant to the union and journey that we were planning on embarking on together.

So when I finally decided it was time to find my inner bride gene, I had to dig deep and found myself quite laidback and down to the earth about the whole thing. It all just didn't seem that important to me. It was one day of our entire lives together and I couldn't fathom spending enormous amounts of money on one day. Was it an important day? Of course. But was it worth spending $20+K on the day? No. We wanted to save the money and plan to buy a house. We wanted to have a nest egg incase something happened down the road. We wanted to prepare to have kids. We didn't want to get ourselves into debt over one day and we just didn't see the point in all that hoopla. We were focused on each other and what we were creating by the union of our marriage.

So when it came down to details, everyone had their own opinion and it got hard. We were the first children in both sides of our families to get married. How were we supposed to please everyone when 1) we didn't find the need to spend all this money and 2) it wasn't all that important for us to have a huge shindig. So we wrestled back and forth with dates and numbers and lists and everything in between. It was a headache and no one was listening to what WE thought was important. They were just always quick to judge us, our decisions and the fact that they thought we were rushing into marriage too quickly.

So after six months of trying to figure out plans (we couldn't even compromise on a date, much less a location) we just couldn't decide on anything. We went back and forth and finally one night, while we sat poolside and M coached his swim team we decided to elope and have a wedding later on to celebrate. It was a breath of fresh air and a relief for us but it brought out a lot of emotions and anger within our families and we dealed with a big backlash. But how were we going to please everyone? M's mom wanted his whole extended family there while my immediate family couldn't even fly in to be there. People threw rumors at us and accused us of being pregnant and saying that we were trying to purposely hurt people. Close friends and family couldn't be there while others could, leaving a lot of rifts. Family members tried to pay us money to not marry and wait a little longer. Lots of accusations arose and no one could see the bigger picture of why we were doing this. It was because it didn't matter what the date was. It didn't matter what we looked like or ate. All that matter was that we were getting married and committing our lives to each other.

But the hurtful words and accusations continued and pulled M and I in separate directions. He felt the heat from his family and I felt guilty about mine. I remember the week before the wedding, it was Thanksgiving and I broke down and couldn't handle it anymore. We sat in a back room at his grandma's house and argued. M's mom felt like we were punishing her because my family couldn't be there and why should she miss out because they chose not to be there? My mom was torn because my dad couldn't get off work and why should she be allowed to go and not him. My grandma was in town and she was thinking she would invite some family members since they were in town. Our elopement was becoming a mess. I broke down in tears and remember telling M, "Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe we shouldn't be getting married" as he looked at me in bewilderment. I felt pulled in so many different directions and I knew there was no way to please everyone. M looked at me, a look of shock, sadness and anger. "What are we going to do then?" he asked as I shook my head, shrugging my shoulders, tears streaming down my cheeks. He sighed. I cried some more. We were arguing over something we were supposed to have complete control over yet somehow everyone else had taken over.

M sat next to me on the bed and wiped away my tears. He reminded me that he loved me and what we were dealing with was something we were trying to avoid by eloping. "Are you sure you even want to elope anymore?" we asked each other and the answer was always the same. It didn't matter. We just wanted to be married. Husband and wife.

So we made the plans. People cried. Hurtful words and accusations were still said to and about us. But one thing remained the same, we loved each other and we wanted to love each other for every day for the rest of our lives. We hired a judge and a photographer. Asked a couple of our close friends to be there and it was all planned.

And so on November 28, 2007, we woke up to the craziest thunder, lightning and flash floods we had ever witnessed. I got dressed in a simple white dress and M in a white shirt and black pants and we drove to a beautiful Kaneohe beach where we found the beach deserted because of the thunderstorms. And there we were. Barefoot, toes in the sand, waves crashing behind us, and joined together before God as husband and wife. We both got teary eyed. We both couldn't stop smiling. We both were ecstatic. And after a round of photos, we piled into our cars and went to a local RoundTable Pizza for pizza and beer before M and I escaped to the Royal Hawaiian on Waikiki beach for a mini honeymoon. It was perfect. Honestly perfect.

Six months later we put together a bigger wedding celebration, mainly to appease our families but didn't have to worry about hoopla of an actual wedding. People complained. People said it was boring. People didn't think it was as sincere or special as it would have been if it had been our actual wedding day. But we didn't care. We were already newlyweds.

Life goes so fast and relationships change constantly. People get caught up in looks and money. We chose to focus on ourselves and our relationship and dedicate ourselves to one another. Our marriage isn't always roses but 99% of the time, it's perfect. We compliment each other and where one of us falters, the other picks up the slack. We have adjusted and know each other inside and out. We laugh every day, at each other and ourselves and every once in awhile we fight. But we always remember what we went through and the vow we took and it's insignificant where and how that took place. All that matters is us.

From Mr. Right Now to Mr. Forever

"Never say never. Sometimes Mr. Right Now becomes Mr. Forever."

I read this quote the other day and my thoughts were drawn back to the beginning days of M and I, a little over three years ago. When it was just him and I and the beginning of our love. We worked together which for me, at that time in my life, was a big No-No. I had been in a prior relationship with someone I worked with and it had turned into all sorts of horribles and wrongs. Not only was the ex completely insecure and controlling, but he emanated that and brought out the worst in me while isolating me from work, friends, family and ultimately life. Funny how some the bad relationships do that to you. I remember feeling crippled but addicted. It was hard to break that cycle of no good. But M was there, a friend who had been there for most of the relationship. Without me saying anything, he saw firsthand the insecurity and controlling nature of my ex and he saw that who that person made me, was NOT me. We would talk and he would ask me those questions that you avoid asking yourself when you know something is not right in a relationship and I remember always leaving those conversations thinking, "What the fuck am I doing? Why am I wasting my life on this pathetic low life?" I was 23. This man was clearly NOT the man I was going to marry nor did I want to spend my life with him. He brought nothing to the table and I was miserable. It was all wrong and I didn't need it. So finally after too many months of dating and then another long string of months being dragged on by him, I was done. And ready to focus on me. And ONLY me. No men and no dating. Just me. For at least a year, as one of my very great friends Amber and I would pledge after every breakup. I was going to work, pay off the debt that the ex had convinced me to accrue because he "needed to pay this off and would pay me back," move back home to California and focus on ME. No more men. For at least a year.

Only things didn't work out that way.

While I was wrestling with the end of my relationship, M was beginning his life as a newly single bachelor as well. After a slew of short, meaningless relationships he was ready to be done and focus on himself. He acquired a swim business, focused on work and realized that he had to focus on himself before he could focus on anyone else. Our paths were parallel and getting ready to intersect. And even though we both secretly hoped they would, we really had no idea that they actually would.

So a few months later on the night we consider our infamous first date, I remember sitting at the bar at the local Dave & Buster's chatting with M about life, when out of the blue, he asked me about my ex. What was the story with him? Were we still together or trying to work things out? Or had I finally reached the end of my rope and cut ties? I remember explaining that I still talked to him but I was fed up. This man boy wasn't the person I had initially thought he was when we started dating and after a year and a half of empty talk and pursue-less dreams, I was done. I needed to focus on me. I remember M nodding in agreement and I can only imagine the thoughts that were running through his head as he realized that even though we were on our own paths of independency, this was his chance, his opportunity.

It was with that conversation and the rest of the night that I could no longer deny that M and I were greatly attracted to one another. There was a raw mental/sexual/emotional/spiritual connection that was undeniable between us. We were fed off each other and understood each other without much need for words. I remember spending one night from dusk until dawn talking about everything in our lives. Our past, our future, our present. Our hopes, our dreams, our fears, our insecurities. Everything. And I remember thinking, "My God, this man has an amazingly beautiful soul. He just doesn't realize it."

So we began our passionate love affair. We spent every moment possible together, wrapped up in our own intense world. How could this be? We were intently independent. He was running his own business and focused on his career. And I was going to move back to California, I just needed to figure out the logistics of getting back there. How were we intertwining so quickly? And even worse, we worked together? How was this going to look when people found out? I supervised a building, I was a manager for goodness sake! This would look horrible should anyone find out or worse, if this ended badly. Because let's face it, M and I didn't have the best relationship track record. But I couldn't pull away. I was in way over my head.

So I realized we had to keep it a secret. No one could know about us. The implications would be too large and I couldn't risk losing my reputation at this point (though later it would crash and burn). And we could not talk about the future. M didn't hold long term relationships and I didn't want my days with him to be numbered. We were just beginning and I didn't want to think of an ending, especially with so much on the line. Plus, I kept telling myself, I was going to move. Any day. So anytime talk would turn anywhere remotely serious about our relationship, I would adamantly throw myself into M's arms and declare "Let's just take this one day at a time. There's no need to talk about the future." Ok, I admit it may not have happened so melodramatically but I did begin saying almost every hour, "Let's just enjoy ourselves and be in the moment. One day at a time." And so our mantra became that. He was my Mr. Right Now and I couldn't focus on anything past that.

And so we continued in that fashion. We fell in love after that but made sure to keep telling each other to not focus on the future. What was the point? We were in love and why ruin it with talk that may or may not come true down the line. I put my move back to California on hold indefinitely and helped M focus on his business and work. Our relationship worked because we trusted each other and we were in the moment. No rushing. No promises. No false hopes. We just enjoyed each other's company and continued to helplessly fall.

Until the night in July when we laid there in his bed. Nose to nose, soaking in each other's scent before drifting off to the land of dreams. And in that moment when you are just starting to drift into the land of dreams, M whispered, "Will you?" And even though I knew exactly what he was asking he wasn't going to get off that easy as I innocently asked, "Huh? Will I what?" And I watched as he fidgeted and worked up the courage to ask me to marry him and be his wife.

And in that moment, and maybe even sooner, my sweet Mr. Right Now became my Mr. Forever.

The past week

I'm tired and I have lots to say. But I've been keeping myself mentally and physically BUSY. It's nice in it's own way and helps to keep me sane, thankfully. The past week has been rough but I've survived with lots of support from M, my family and little B. They are keeping me from slipping and I am grateful because I need to stay focused.

So hopefully I'll be back with some posts on my wacky life and what's been going on because I have lots to share!

Mommy Moment and Music Monday - It Won't Be Like This For Long

Not to worry, my beloved husband has returned so the everything can now return to normal. And can I just say my beautiful little B was so adorable last night. We came home from dinner and I looked at her and told her, "B, we have to take a bath. And after the bath we are going to go to the airport to pick up Daddy because he's coming home tonight on the airport. So let's hurry and get in the bath so we can go." And she ever so sweetly looked at me and rambled incoherently for a few moments, signing Bath and Airplane to me and making sure to throw the word "Da-da" in as well. She then made sure to stay up the entire ride to LAX, yelling out "Da-da!" during the ride just so she could see her Daddy. It was so sweet and I love this new side of her as she begins talking and her personality becomes more and more apparent. It's fun. So that's my Mommy moment for today.

On to Music Monday...

It Won't Be Like This For Long

by Darius Rucker

He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Layin’ there in bed listenin’
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK

It won’t be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughin’
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
‘Cause it won't be like this for long

Four years later ‘bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This’ll only last a week or two

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long

Some day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she's up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers

He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on

‘Cause it won’t be like this for long

It won’t be like this for long

***

The song is pretty self-explanatory and let's face it any parent can relate to the lyrics as time seriously seems to fly by faster when you are a parent. Every time I hear it come on the radio or play on my iPod, I immediately am brought to tears because it jumbles everything I feel and have felt as a mother into one.

It especially takes me back to the night of my 25th birthday. B was two and a half weeks old and it was probably like 3A and she had been screaming for a good 3-4 hours nonstop. And I remember passing her back and forth between M and I, trying to figure out what was wrong with our sweet baby and how could we soothe her to sleep. At the time I remember we were so overly tired and stressed out. It was one of those ever so frustrating/overwhelming nights in the beginning. There are a few other nights I remember as well and this song takes me back to those moments and makes me look at who B is today. And how precious those beginning moments were despite how frustrating and overwhelming they were. And how fast she grew up since then.

Parenting is never easy but it's such an amazing experience to witness and be apart of. I can't imagine not being a mother and I can't imagine life without my daughter.

2 days down, 2 more to go!

So my day started with this and boy did it throw me into a funk! But because of my OCD, I'm not one to let something like that happen and just let it be. So I cancelled my Friday plans, put on some of M's junky work clothes, my old dirty shoes and got to work. I turned the dirt and kept trying to get the bone dry dirt to mix with the sopping wet dirt. It wasn't perfect but it's working despite finding roots about more than 10 feet long and 2 inches round winding through my backyard but I will not let it deter me!

So I dug and dug and dug. M said from the pictures it looked like I was digging myself a tunnel to China (or maybe Spain so my aching body could just get a hug from him) and quite frankly, I may very well be because who knows what I'll find when I continue my work.

Here are some pictures. Hopefully I'll have beautiful, luscious green "after" pictures to show in a few weeks. But I'm not holding my breath. And you shouldn't either.

See that pretty little shiny hacksaw in picture #3? Yea that's right, I used it. :) HA! M made sure to tell me that this was his kind of job (which it's totally up his alley; I'm a much better leader AKABoss) but oh well. And see my pretty little cucumber and tomato plants? Awww. Hopefully they didn't get flooded out.

So after all the work, we took a break at the pool for a few hours where we swam and laid in the sun then I came back and did some more. I am pooped, my body is sore, I have to clean the house, do a couple more loads of laundry, wrap some gifts and cook one of the entrees for a baby shower tomorrow. Throw in the fact that I had a overly clingy, fussy little girl who took daddy's words, "Take care of Mommy" literally and stayed up til 10P and you got me doing none of the things I need to do but instead hitting this:

Yes, that's right. I'm hitting the hard stuff because I love me a whiskey sour and my favorite wine, Crane Lake Riesling, just isn't gonna cut it after a day like this. And if I finish it off, oh well. It's been a rough day and M is thousands of miles away, in a beautiful beachfront room. Seriously, aren't these pictures to die for?

He's living the life right now...not to mention he's in Europe where ding, ding, ding, the very liberal women make every beach a nude beach. Woohoo! NOT.

Excuse me while I finish off my bottle. :rollseyes: Good night!

Friday Frustrations

I'm trying to get my backyard ready to seed grass and boy what a pain it is. Yesterday I started rototilling it (which by the way, is an AWESOME workout) and realized WHOA, what are all these roots? Turns out behind our house are three huge, huge trees and the roots are in our backyard. Not good. Then I realized that wow, our dirt SUCKS, so I run the sprinkler to get the dirt to absorb some of the water so it would be easier to rototill. Turns out, the dirt is so bad, it doesn't absorb it and my backyard flooded...towards the house. So I had to rush out there to dig trenches away from the house. Hopefully it all works out because I planted a cucumber plant and a tomato plant out there and I reeeeeally want them to work out. Plus I have tons of other ideas for the planter I'm planning and other fun things for B to do once the grass (hopefully) grows. So I'm gonna let these trenches sit (which by the way, when you dig more than a 1/2 inch deep is totally bone dry) for the hot afternoon and try and rototill again later tonight. Pray that this works!

And on a great side Motherhood moment, I came in from digging the trenches, looked down and realized that Little Miss B was naked eating Dried Mango. I look over and see her diaper cast aside and a big puddle of pee on the ground. So I rush over, re-diaper her and clean up the pee, only to look over and realize that she's taking her diaper off in the midst of a poop. AHHHH. Can I make this day start over? PLEASE.

The past 24 hours.

The last 24 hours have been crazy. All together I woke up, ran to the library, ran to my grandparents, ran to the grocery store, made dinner, made spam musubis, packed dinner and spam musubis for M, dropped dinner off for a friend, dropped something off at another friend's house, dropped M off at LAX, drove the 105 home in rush hour traffic, did some laundry, fed the dog, packed up dinner and headed to my grandparents to eat, potted two plants, drove home, vacuumed manure fertilizer from carpet of the truck, deep cleaned the kitchen, did a load of dishes, did some more laundry, blogged, showered and gave B a bath, read B 3 books, gave B kisses and put her to bed, drank a glass of wine, made strawberry pie, drank another glass of wine, took the trash out, folded 5 loads of laundry, wrote M an email, went to bed, tossed and turned all night long, woke up at 6 to talk to M when he arrived in London, tried to fall back asleep, ignored B when she woke up around 8:30 and refused to crawl out of bed until 9, got up, made coffee with my new Keurig, made B breakfast, ate toast, packed a picnic lunch, packed everything up and headed to the park, chased B all around the park, pushed B in the swing, changed about 5 poopy diapers, cleaned B up when she thought playing in mud would be fun and ultimately died of heat at the park and after a couple hours. Came home, turned on A/C and am debating...pool or nap.

WHEW.

The last 24 hours have kicked my butt. And not only that but M had a horrible 10+ hour flight to London where kids sitting near him were puking left and right (BLEH) and he didn't sleep. Landed in London and found that Heathrow is totally different and almost missed his flight to Madrid. The flight to Madrid was delayed about 20-30 minutes and he rushed to board his flight to Alicante where they were closing the boarding doors as he approached. Made the flight. Got to the Alicante airport only to realize that his luggage (which is holding all the important prototype tools and medical devices) was not on the carousel and didn't make the connecting flight from London->Madrid and Madrid ->Alicante. Found his driver and got to the hotel. Realized he has no professional work clothes for his day at the hospital tomorrow. Went to the airport desk to deliver mail to an employee for the arriving doctors only to find out that she went home already. Got to his room and can't get in touch with any of his employees to update them about his luggage and is ultimately now exhausted and pissed. Poor thing.

But then I put Little Miss B on the phone (she hates talking on it if there's anyone on the phone to listen) and she said "Hi, Da-da!" twice to him which I'm sure melted his heart as much as it did mine.

So that's been our past 24 hours. Can I curl up in a hole now?

What was that?

Have you ever noticed the weird sounds a house makes when it's dark and you are home all alone? It's like every 5 minutes you think for sure someone is jiggling your front door's deadbolt and breaking and entering. And that pitter patter noise you hear a few minutes later... that's definitely the footsteps of someone who is coming to get you. What is that about? And I swear it only happens when you are home alone. Every five minutes I find myself checking to make sure that the doors are all locked and that no one is outside and/or walking around inside either. I even left the garage door open with the light on, for crying out loud because it helped ease my fears. What is that about? M would laugh and probably is laughing as he reads this, far away in dreamy Alicante while I sit here jumping every second at every sound I hear, real or imagined. Ugh. So much for a good night sleep. Not to mention I'm such a wienie I'm bringing Little Miss B in to sleep with me in our big California King bed. So not only will I be thinking the boogie man is coming to get me but I'll also be getting drop kicked and punched all night long. Fan-tastic!

Here's hoping for a few hours of somewhat blissful sleep before M arrives in London at 6A and calls me to assure me he arrived safely and soundly.

Spain

Tonight I dropped M off at the airport for a 4 day all expenses paid business trip to Alicante, Spain. Ok, so maybe it won't be as glamourous as it sounds but still, c'mon...how many people get to say they've been to Spain in their lifetimes? I had the opportunity to fly there with him but I remember my thoughts (and words) being somewhere along the lines of 1) "Well who would watch B while we galivant around Spain?" and 2) "Seriously, what would I do if I went? M would be at the hospital most of Friday and in his lab all-day Saturday and mix in a few business dinners here and there and what would I do?" So I passed on the opportunity and didn't regret it one bit. Until M came home and showed me THIS.

Say, WHAT?!

Turns out Alicante is a fast-growing, beautiful city on the south east coast of Spain. On the coast as in Hotel Melia Alicante is right on the water. Turns out there would have been a lot I could have done!

So while M basks in the warm 90 degree weather and the beautiful scenery, I'm here at home. Woo-hoo...NOT!

Music Monday - The House That Built Me

The House That Built Me

by Miranda Lambert

I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine

Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

***

For whatever reason, every time I hear this song I tear up. It evokes a deep connection with me and makes me reflect on my years growing up, who I am as a person/woman and what has shaped that and the relationships within my family.

It's no secret; my parent's are going through a divorce. And it's ugly. And in it's own way, hard on all of us. But after years of living it firsthand, I definitely would be the first to say it's for the best and definitely needs to be done for everyone to heal and move on; which ultimately I hope happens for us all. So when I hear this song, it takes me back to the memories I have of the past 26 years.

I have many good memories. I remember lots of laughter and childhood fun playing and bossing around my brothers as any older sister would. God, how I love those boys. I remember sitting around as a family for dinner every night (Well, until my parents bought a big screen t.v. and my dad would eat in front of the t.v. instead, but nonetheless whether he was at the table or not I remember dinner together as a family). I remember laughing with my mom and along with that, lots of scoldings and late night talks too. She never put being my friend first when I was growing up which I will forever appreciate because at the time it was important that she was "mom." It wasn't until later that we blossomed into a beautiful friendship. I remember basketball talks with my dad and the big dreams he had for me, my brothers and his family. But with all those good things come bad things, as the way ying and yang work and I remember a share of bad times for all as well.

But life unfolded and here we all are today. Battered...broken...but alive. We've all changed. We've all grown. Time doesn't stop so we've all moved forward whether we liked it or not. Whether any of us wishes we could go back, I cannot say. But I know that even though I come from a broken family, that family is what made me who I am today. And the brokenness we are experiencing today, is shaping each and every one of us to be something else. And no matter where we go in life, these experiences and memories are what make us and will forever ground us and made us who we are.